How Do I Live
by supergirl02
Summary: Tony’s world is rocked by Kate’s death. NOT tony/kate


**HOW DO I LIVE**

**SUMMARY: **Tony's world is rocked by Kate's death.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do NOT own anything relating to NCIS or CBS. I do NOT own Leanne Rimes or her song "How do I live without you".

**A/N: **I know I said I would NEVER write a fic like this but I heard Leanne Rime's song and the idea came unbidden into my mind. I had to write it so I hope you all like it.

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_ How do I get through one night without you?_

_If I had to live without you_

_What kind of life would that be?_

_Oh I, I need you in my arms_

_Need you to hold_

_You're my world, my heart, my soul _

Tony stared stock still in shock horror. Kate's blood was on his face. He slowly turned to look down at the woman who'd he come to love but had never told.

His heart broke as he looked down at her lifeless body. 'My Kate,' Tony cried inwardly, 'my beautiful, beautiful Kate. I'm so sorry.'

Tony moved on autopilot as Gibbs ordered him to follow. Together they ran to the building across from them but found only the sniper's nest.

_ If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything good in my life_

_And tell me now _

Tony stood to the side and watched as Ducky and Palmer moved Kate's body. It took every fiber of his being to not suddenly start yelling. 'Oh god, please no,' Tony mourned, 'I can't live without her.'

Ducky walked over to him and gave his arm a squeeze. Tony looked at the older man, a lost look in his eyes. Tony turned and stared at the autopsy van that would transport his partner back to NCIS.

Tony took a step towards the vehicle but could only watch as it drove away. He turned his attention back to his work.

_ How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_Oh, how do I live? _

It wasn't even a week later and Tony was still on autopilot. The plane ride to where Kate would be buried was longer then Tony had thought. He sat quietly through the entire ride; his thoughts only on one person.

As the team entered the funeral home Tony's heart sped up and his breathing quickened. He felt McGee lean gently against him, giving him the reassurance that he wasn't alone.

He made his way to the casket, the hole that had once been on Kate's forehead, the hole that killed her, was no more.

He leant down and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. 'Don't leave me Kate,' He pleaded silently, not moving from the casket. 'Please Kate; I don't know how to go on without you.'

_ Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky_

_There would be no love in my life_

_There'd be no world left for me_

_And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would do_

_I'd be lost if I lost you_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything real in my life_

_And tell me now _

As the car pulled up to the cemetery Tony couldn't make himself walk. He stayed where he stood. Abby walked over to him and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him forward.

Tony closed his eyes and allowed himself to be led. His heart broke more with every step he took. It took his entire will not to crumble to the ground when they got to where Kate would be buried.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…" The priest's voice droned. Tony stared up at the sky. The sun was shining but for Tony there was only darkness. 'I failed you,' Tony implored. 'Please forgive me Kate'.

_ How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_Oh, how do I live? _

_Please tell me baby_

_How do I go on? _

Tony followed behind Abby as she led the way to the casket. He pulled out a single red rose; half blossomed, and waited to walk to the caskets side. With the rest of the team's eyes on the casket Gibbs reached an arm around Tony's shoulders and gave him a hug. Tony leaned into the embrace.

As the line moved he was released and propelled forward. He followed Abby's movements and laid his rose on top of the casket.

_ If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything_

_Need you with me_

_Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life_

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_Oh, how do I live? _

He stepped away from the casket but didn't join the rest of the team. He needed some time first. He needed to understand the why's of what had happened. Palmer gave him a reassuring smile as he joined the rest of the group waiting for him.

When everyone else had gone Tony walked back up to the casket and knelt beside it. A prayer, one that was Kate's favorites, came to his lips unbidden, "Hail Mary full of grace…"

When he was done Tony allowed his tears to finally fall. 'Please forgive me,' he pleaded to himself. 'I never meant to fail you.'

_ How do I live without you?_

_How do I live without you baby_

_How do I live...? _

Tony finally stood up. Before moving he stopped and placed a gentle kiss upon the casket.

"I love you Katie," he whispered gently before walking away unsure if he would ever truly live again.

**THE END**


End file.
